“There is a deep and pristinely clear “something” in each one of us, regardless of the outer circumstances of our lives, that has the capacity to recognize Wisdom when we meet it, and it is the nature of Wisdom teaching to call this “something” forth.”
The above quote from Cynthia’s Wisdom Way of Knowing articulates my relationship with Wisdom that began with a surprising encounter seven years ago. One late night, while camping lakeside in British Columbia’s interior, I heard a feminine voice whisper my name. The whisper awakened me from my sleep, yet, I am only now beginning to understand how asleep I truly have been. While I had previously read many of Cynthia’s books and devoured every page, I kept her teachings on the Wisdom tradition at a distance. I concluded the kenotic path I read about in Wisdom Jesus was for the spiritually mature, or people committed to full-time monastic life. I preferred to hide behind my ego story that I was too young, and life’s responsibilities consumed my capacity for the Wisdom path. In the fall of 2023, when I received an invitation to register for the Holding our Planet Wisdom School, something within me responded with an immediate yes. I had no idea what was saying yes to, and admittedly, I was a bit terrified, but I listened to the deeper “something” within.
Attending Holding our Planet in May 2024 marked the beginning of waking up to Wisdom. While I fumbled around on the movement’s floor, and listened to teachings on Gebser, Teilhard and Gurdjieff for the first time, I sensed a deep aliveness flowing through my being. As I continue to learn, the Wisdom path is not the latest self-improvement project that feeds my ego needs and preferences. Wisdom practices are a radical wake up in consciousness as I bump up against the constrictions of everyday life, and surrender to the indwelling presence of the Great I am. As Cynthia teaches, it is through the hard edges we experience on this planet that creates the conditions for Divine love to manifest.
This past year, saying yes to Wisdom included a weekly practice circle with Heather Ruce. This small community committed to the Wisdom path has become a sacred tether in my life. Through the exercises guided by Heather, and weekly support of the circle, I am learning to become more rooted in a Greater Self, and gaining deeper awareness of the atmosphere I exist within. My aim this year has been working with trust. When I am grounded within my deeper Self, the natural flow outwardly is an atmosphere of trust, regardless of external circumstances. As I work with the exercises throughout the week, even small moments of re-membering throughout the day, I sense a qualitative difference in the energy of trust. When I react mechanically out of my smaller self, trust feels conditional, constricted, and dependent on outer relationships. When I am rooted in my deeper Self, trust is free, abundant, and detached from whatever may be occurring in my life. I can feel deeply, including hurt and fear, yet I am slowly learning to let go of my ego story, and become more conscious of the Great I am within.
One Wisdom practice Heather guided us through, and one that I am beginning to integrate more deeply in daily life is nurturing a conscious relationship between first and second body. During the exercise, it was deeply moving to notice my second body acknowledging first body with “I trust you” and first body responding, “I know.” As we later shared our experience with each other, one person in the circle noted how beautiful it would be if we practiced the same kind of exchange in all our relationships. Her words were deeply inspirational and I imagined the tender exchange of my second body relating with another’s second body in that in-between energetic field beyond language. I decided to experiment with the practice over the next few weeks in my own relationships.
The past two years my aging parents have needed increasing care. My mother has early dementia and my father’s health is in steady decline. Both relationships have been a source of pain, and for most of my adult life, I protected myself with emotional distance. As I work with the Wisdom practices, and learn to live more rooted in my deeper Self, I notice a softening of love and trust in my heart towards my parents, specifically my father. Nothing has changed outwardly in our relationship, yet, in some deeper way, I notice a difference in our energy exchange. There are moments when I sense my second body’s compassion for my father that does not react to his fear and frustrations, but holds a peaceful container for both of us. Perhaps my father’s own second body has become more alive in him as he faces the end of his time on earth? As my mother’s cognition continues to decline, there is hope I can continue to lovingly relate with her, second body to second body.
There is something clear and pristine in each one of us that recognizes Wisdom when we meet it. I recently shared in the practice circle that, at times, the Wisdom path feels like learning how to skate as a child. My hands desperately cling to the training bar that gives an illusion of safety from falling, yet limits my capacity to skate freely on my own! The more I loosen the grip of my protective shell (my ego story, my mechanical reactivity), the more I taste the exhilarating freedom of skating on my own, including the painful falls. Perhaps each messy moment and fall in my day to day life are sacred opportunities to re-member something more.
Author: Kellie Brown is a spiritual director from the West Coast of British Columbia and provides spiritual care for a non-profit engaged in dismantling systemic barriers for youth. Kellie has a Masters in Theology, yet now seeks an informal education directly from the land she calls home; on the beautiful territory of the Sinixt and Interior Salish people. With children now living in other cities, Kellie and her spouse Rory devote their energy into creating a retreat space at their home on Christina Lake, BC. Their passion is to invite others to form a loving reciprocal relationship with the earth, and experience the Divine in all.