I went to a Russian Orthodox Convent at 17, and stayed there 9 years, learning and living with 90+year old nuns. They gave such safety and room for growth. They have all passed away, and there was a betrayal etc., that now I live on my own, which is allowed in Orthodox tradition, if you can manage it. Meaning the bishops approves of my situation of continuing being a monastic free-lancer. But there’s no direction given. I hate being alone, yet can’t bear to leave my spiritual heritage. It’s been 12 years now, and one of only things that keeps me sane are Richard Rohr’s words. I can’t sleep at night, until I have Richard’s audiobook on, and I can feel his world view.
How can I feel safe in this world, and how can I get on my feet to actually be of service? What guidance would you give someone trying to live a balance interior life as a celibate? I have become an acupuncturist, and find great fulfillment in that, but my personal life is full of angst and unanswerable questions. Thank you for your time. K.
Dear K,
Situations of betrayal and trauma, particularly when they occur in deeply spiritual/mystical environments, can create intense cognitive dissonance, which seems to be what you’re experiencing in your own life right now. This is both a red flag and a golden opportunity for real integrative work and the breakthrough to faith at a whole new level. Since you’re a Rohr fan already, I would cast your glance one step sideways and look at his close colleague Jim Finley, and particularly Jim’s marvelous new book on the healing of spiritual trauma. Part autobiography and part the fruit of his own moving career as a brilliant therapist and an unparalleled mystical teacher, he may be able to help you find a way out of this painful but potentially fruitful impasse.
Godspeed!
