Where are all the young people? This is a question that I have often heard asked among participants at their first Wisdom School. Mostly those who have been pursuing Wisdom for a longer time stop asking the question because they have become so used to seeing the sea of gray-haired folks who usually attend Wisdom events. So, where are all the young people…?
While I don’t necessarily have a definitive answer to the question, I do have a recent experience that I’d like to share that may shed some light on the question. The event was my son’s wedding at which I was asked to officiate.
I was just coming off my Mary Magdalene and Conscious Love Wisdom School, so for weeks I had been deeply considering the nature and dynamism of love and its central place in an awakened life. The question that confronted me as I approached the wedding was whether I would simply recycle a more traditional and conventional ceremony or take the risk of enacting a Wisdom ritual that attempted to take into account the deeper dimensions of love. While it would be one thing to present this Wisdom liturgy at a Wisdom School, I wondered how it would fly. Specifically, I wondered how the younger people would respond.
While the entirety of the text is printed in A Wisdom Wedding in Breaking Ground, it will be helpful to give a sense of the intended participatory nature of this ceremony as well as a sense of how I presented Wisdom’s more transformational understanding of love.
Welcome and Intention of Purpose
“Welcome to you—to us—all. Words could never express the enormity of meaning that this day has for Ben and Olivia, but also for Cathy and me, for Chris and Bob, and for the siblings and all the friends and other relatives who are gathered here.
“Today, together, we have work to do. This is not just a pro-forma ceremonial we are superficially reciting today. It is a deep and meaningful ritual that will change the lives of Ben and Olivia and, potentially, of us all. This is a ritual that focuses on the intentional and nurtured connection between two people.
“But this is a connection that unites us all. Underneath the more superficial realities that seem to separate and divide us, there is a unifying force that binds us all— one to another. And when one bond is solidified, it strengthens us all. Perhaps we might all be daring enough to just look around with fresh eyes and an open heart to more intentionally see this reality.
“Let’s all just take a couple of deep and intentional breaths and allow the importance and magnitude of this moment to sink in…”
To understand the dynamics of what is being transacted here, it is essential that everyone be pretty much on the same page in terms of intuiting the nature of love. But both in our religious traditions and certainly in our culture, we are guided by some very specific and limiting myths. I took it upon myself in the following remarks to try to suggest a deeper understanding that might supplant these misunderstandings. This, you may recognize, becomes a Wisdom teaching. But this can be risky, since no one likes a tone that is demeaning or preachy. I only knew that the usual insipid platitudes about love would not be enough to get us out of the tighter orbit of the culture’s gravitational pull. And so, I stepped out on the end of a limb…
The Nature of Love
“I have boldly suggested that this is ritual can change the lives of Ben and Olivia and, potentially, the lives of us all. That is because it might be a potent reminder of the central force that holds all life together. It affords the opportunity for us all to realign our lives with the fundamental purpose for which we have been born. Of course, I am speaking of ‘love.’
“Mistaking love as a special emotion, we in our culture miss the force of its deeper power. When we put the emphasis on finding just the right partner who will give us what we most need and desire, we misunderstand the direction of love’s trajectory and overlook our own responsibility.
“Don’t get me wrong—a committed and intimate relationship can be a royal road to spiritual transformation and abiding happiness, but we just have to get the direction right. More than getting something from the other, it’s about giving what is deepest within us—giving freely and unreservedly to the other. Love’s power is unlocked when we choose to give to the other that which they most deeply need. And surprisingly and quite paradoxically, it is that giving that deeply gifts us and allows us to fulfill the fullness of our own unique individuality. It is, then, the daily practice of laying down oneself for the other—exchanging self for other—that a deeper channel is carved in the heart. And by this deeper heart-knowing we know that we belong to the world and that the world belongs to us.
“This can best be realized through generous self-giving. It is less likely to be accomplished through duty, convention, keeping score, or one-sided gratification. It is in this sense that the institutionalization of marriage, while undoubtedly necessary, can at best only outline its external form. Its inner truth lies deeper down.
“This afternoon we are witnessing the promises to each other of two remarkable human beings. Granted, I cannot claim any sense of objectivity here, but I am quite confident that this is true. And what I am also pretty sure of is that what is being transacted here will deeply affect the future.
“But I am not just referring to your future, Ben and Olivia, though that will surely be included. I am actually suggesting something bigger—the future of life on this planet. It will take remarkable people like the two of you and your commitment to each other to help to steer our course away from some of the magnetism that greed, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness seem to currently hold sway.
“Am I suggesting that the kind of sincere self-giving love that is engendered in a committed relationship like this one is going to change the world? Well, yes, I am. Because everything at its root is reciprocally connected and because all the seemingly separate pieces are all integral parts of one unified whole—our actions, and all our interactions, have consequences beyond themselves. It is all of this that points to the gravity of what we are enacting today…”
Could all this be heard and internalized by Ben and Olivia’s families and friends as we all came together to celebrate their love? My bet was that it was. Again, I could both see and sense the receptivity. Yes, a portal had been opened. And the capstone of this recognition would come later that evening.
“And now—each in our own way—let us confirm interiorly whatever truth we have heard and can claim in this moment. And rather than merely a mental consent, with a couple more intentional breaths, let us seek to embody and live out these truths…”
So, while this ritual is clearly for Ben and Olivia, is also fundamentally for us all. The opportunity had been given for everyone present to take another, deeper look at our relationships and see how we might realign ourselves with love’s purpose. While too personal to relate in this public writing, I myself had some amazingly direct and intimate conversations in the hours immediately following this service.
Let me, then, go back to the original question: Where are all the young people? Well, some of them were there at this wedding. They not only responded profoundly to the Wisdom that was articulated, but they also participated fully in Wisdom’s ritual. I could both see this and sense this from them. But it was what happened later that evening that convinced me of this reality.
After a lingering shared meal on long farm tables under the tent and a beautiful toast by Ben and Olivia’s closest friends, the dancing began. The DJ, under Ben and Olivia’s direction, did a particularly good job of choosing a mix of songs that moved from Motown and classic rock (that pulled us older folks onto the dancefloor) to more contemporary music (to which the younger people recognized and responded).
With the end time of 10 pm approaching when the music would have to be ended, the DJ for the last song chose the one that Ben had referenced in his statement to Olivia in the service. At this point, many of the older folks had left; and those of us who remained were standing apart and were watching the younger people dance. For their part, they greeted this final song with a singular recognition and with renewed intensity.
What I witnessed at this point was Ben and Olivia’s tribe dancing their love and their enthusiasm for life and their connections with one another. And rather than being partnered in couples, they were all dancing as particular individuals who were part of a greater collective. The intensity of their exuberance was striking. While my mind was fully in the present, I was at the same time witnessing an indigenous tribal ritual of a timeless past.
And then the song was abruptly over, and we were dropped into a deep and sudden silence. What I witnessed next almost literally took my breath away. Without a word being spoken, the tribe on the dance floor self-organized from separate flailing individuals into a tight self-embracing ball of oneness. Pressed closely together, they were One, and they remained wordlessly pressed together for a full thirty seconds. That half minute turned out to be an eternity.
Where are all the young people…?
They are here with me, and they are there with you, and they are everywhere. I truly believe they are fully capable of responding to Wisdom, and very likely already do in their own ways. But what if we offered opportunities and rituals like the one I have described here in order that they might more intentionally participate? And rather than criticize this emerging Wisdom movement for what appears to be a paucity of young people, we might better ask, what can each of us do in the offering of this invitation…?
A link to the text of the wedding and additional commentary from Bill about the Wisdom teaching he intended to explore in the ceremony can be found here at A Wisdom Wedding on the Breaking Ground page of this website.